Uh, no thanks.
I know there is plenty of research to suggest that TV is harmful and demonic and makes us stupid. But you know what, I don’t care. I don’t care if others think my child will be dumb because she watches TV. I know she’s smart, thanks in part to educational shows.
I heart television.
Reality TV, 24 hour news channels, Gilmore Girls reruns, reality TV, the Food Network. Oh, and reality TV.
I don’t watch TV at all during the day, but I can’t help but delight in a little time spent in front of the idiot box each evening.
I don’t believe anyone who says they’d rather not watch television.
“Oh, I just have too much to do.”
“I much prefer listening to church hymns.”
“I’d rather play twelve thousand games of Chutes and Ladders with my children.”
Oh no you wouldn’t. Every parent hates Chutes and Ladders. Sure it was fun when you were four, but the game can go on forever. FOREVER. I used to cringe when Caroline brought it out. “Wouldn’t you rather play Zingo or Sequence or how about beat me over the head with your Nerf bat instead?”
I could spend a lot of time listing the joys that television has brought me over the years, but that may lead me to realize how pathetic I truly am. I’d hate for that self disgust to cause me to start participating in this bogus event.
But I won’t.
I’ll stand strong, delighting in the awesome glow emitting from my television.
Enriching my life, yet brain washing me and killing what few brain cells remain.
I’m somewhat of a rebel anyway. Well, a wishy-washy rebel. A rebel in my own mind.
Tomorrow, in honor of Earth Day, I plan to NOT recycle. Ooooh, that’ll show them.
I just despise manufactured holidays. Even more, I despise being told how to live my life by vapid celebrities.
I recycle every other day of the year, not because I’m told, but because I want to.
But not tomorrow.
Instead I plan to vegetate in front of the television, further increasing my carbon foot print.
It’s a two for one deal!
So take that Leonardo DiCaprio…and your little clown car, too.