My Car Is Stupid

Literally.

I don’t use the word “literally” or as Glenn Beck says “litrally” often. It’s over-used and also often wrongly used. In keeping with my radio show host theme, Sean Hannity misuses the word “literally” all the time. He also says “etceterer” instead of “etcetera.” But that’s not the point. I’ll blame that on the Long Island accent. Anything ending in “a” gets the “er” treatment.

One of the contestants on the most recent Biggest Loser season literally said “literally” all the time.
She’d say, “my heart was literally pounding out of my chest.”
Really, Kristen?
Your heart was actually beating outside of your body?

Figuratively, people. It’s figurative.

/end rant

Anyhoo, my car is literally stupid. It refuses to believe that it has been put in park, therefore making key removal impossible.
The “P” is clearly marked and the shifter is clearly next to the “P” so it’s quite evident that my car is not playing with a full deck.
To remedy the situation, Ty the service guy is ordering a new shifter. Oh yay, just what I’ve always wanted.
Thankfully it’s covered under the warranty, which expires one year from today.

Despite my car’s apparent lack of brain power, it’s going to look all smooth and fly with some new tires to go with the new shifter.

You know, I really dislike paying for car stuff. I don’t want to spend $300 for tires. Just think what I could buy with $300; you better believe that four steel belted radial tires are NOT at the top of that list.

Speaking of spending excessive amounts of money, last night I ordered some flowers for Craig’s mom who underwent surgery yesterday. Before I sound like a total jerk, HER flowers weren’t excessive, but while browsing through the site, I clicked on the $150 and above price point to see what the heck costs so much.
Can you believe that anyone would pay $181.99 for three dozen red roses?
Those are obviously available for some desperate doofus who has been really, really, REALLY bad.
Seriously bad.

Even if Craig did something so bad that it warranted sending me three dozen red roses, I wouldn’t want them. I’d much rather make him suffer than accept some sort of peace offering that’ll die in a few short days.
Yep, I’m like that.
Clearly I was absent the day forgiveness was taught in Sunday School.
Please be assured that I’m not proud of this.
Just keeping it real.

It’s a good thing I don’t have much of a life. If I did, having my car stuck at the Ford dealer would surely put a kink in my plans. Sadly, no kinks exist. No job. No friends. No plans.
Caroline’s school is a three minute walk from our house and the only thing I have planned for tomorrow is to help out at the Economics Fair and stuff the Thursday Folders. The last Thursday Folder of the year!

Hopefully my car will be ready tomorrow afternoon. If not, I’ll be forced to drive Craig’s car to the gym on Friday. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fine car. The first brand new car we ever bought. A car that has safely brought us to our home in five different states. It’s a nine year old Honda Civic that has been the most efficient and reliable car ever; it still gets 30 mpg (Obama would approve!).
A true American patriot; a Smith family institution.
Despite all it’s merits, the truth is that when it comes to neatness, Craig’s car fails miserably.
To be honest, it’s in ok shape right now because I cleaned it out a few weeks ago. I’d like to give it a vacuum and a wipe down with armor all, but for now, I’ll settle for not liberally scattered with gum wrappers and empty 5 hour energy bottles.
I used to love driving that Civic; now all I can think of is how messy it is. All my happy memories of driving “Little Green” have been soiled by the matchless balled up socks and gas reciepts from last March litering the back seat.

Yes, I realize I have a problem. Whatcha gonna do about it?

Yesterday, as I got into my car at the gym, I made the mistake of looking into the car parked next to me.
Holy moly. It was a pit. Pig sty. Landfill.
Disgusting.
Seriously. Disturbingly disgusting.
It’s not like garbage cans are in short supply. How hard is it to collect your trash and THROW IT AWAY?

/end rant part two

Ok, I’m done.
Time to get happy and unload the dishwasher.

Oh, and good news, Top Chef Masters starts tonight.

Besides the trainwreck that is The Bachelorette, my summer time reality show selection is painfully limited.

Advertisements

One response

  1. Okay, so you need to blog about what happens on Top Chef Masters, or at least send me an email because I don't have cable anymore and Bravo won't post their shows online. I am watching the Bachelorette and am seriously addicted to Chris Harrison. And, I am literally sorry about your car.

Yo.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s