Sometimes I think God is sitting in heaven laughing at me. Full on, red faced, can’t-catch-your-breath, belly laughs. I don’t think he’s laughing at me because he finds my wit all that witty; I actually think he’s laughing at me because I’m such a dork. It’s pity laughter. It’s ‘poor girl doesn’t have a clue’ laughter. It’s ‘well, at least she’s good for entertainment’ laughter.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a big fan of God. I’m not belittling his existence and standing in my life. I’m just saying that I think he must be getting a big kick out of my plight on this earth. I try. I try so very hard. Sometimes I nail it; other times I fall flat on my face. Sometimes I meet my exceedingly high expectations; other times I fail miserably. Usually, I’m somewhere in the middle. Mistress of mediocrity.
Sometimes, when my mood is right, I even amuse myself. I wonder if I amuse God, too.
He must have created klutzy, forgetful, smart alecky me for some reason. It must be for entertainment; for a good chuckle on a cold night up in heaven. I don’t imagine God is ever bored, but if he is, that would explain why I do some of the crazy things I do: entertainment value.
It’s been an interesting afternoon at home. I’ve baked mediocre goodies (more on that tomorrow), broken glass bulb Christmas ornaments, and tried but failed to locate several items I’ve recently misplaced.
I swear I bought bananas yesterday. In fact, I know I did. I clearly remember weighing them in the self checkout line at the ccommissary. And yet, I can’t find my bananas. How does one lose bananas? Believe me, the irony is not lost on me. But still, where did my bananas go? They’re not in my car. They’re not in my house. I did not eat them.
Where are they?
They must be hiding with my missing pink 1/2 cup measuring cup and toe caps.
Last week I bought toe caps to cover my pinky toe blisters. I paid $13 for four little pieces of silicon that probably cost 27 cents to produce. The good news is that they worked wonders and were worth all $13; the bad news is that after I wore them, cleaned them, put them back in their container with the remaining two toe caps, they’ve all gone missing. The package is there; the toe caps are missing.
Seriously. Where did they go?
Likewise, where did my pink 1/2 cup measuring cup go?
If it weren’t for the fact that I have a good sense of humor, I’d start to find all of this really unamusing. Thankfully I excel at self deprecation and find it easy to laugh at myself. I can’t say that it doesn’t burn when I fall short. I definitely can’t say that I don’t beat myself over it, either. My expectations are high and I almost never meet them.
I hope I’m making God laugh; he sure is doing an ample job of providing the fodder. I’m probably not making him proud with my selfishness and bad attitude, so I suppose making him laugh is all I have to offer.
All I know is that when I get to heaven I’m going to ask him four things: 1.) did I make you laugh when I goofed up all the time? 2.) why did you create snakes? 3.) was it really necessary to give me this nose? 4.) what did I do with the bananas I bought on 12/13/10?
I don’t know about you, but I sure am looking forward to the answers.