I’ve had a strange week. A LONG, strange week. It’s only Thursday, but my energy is spent and I feel like this week has lasted a month.
That’s summer break in a nutshell, I suppose.
Because of this crazy week and an all encompassing feeling of exhaustion, I’m having trouble thinking of things to blog about. You’ve heard enough about my whining about summer break. You’ve heard my cries of desperation and my general feelings of doom, gloom and malaise. What more could I tell you?
The truth is, at this moment, while I physically feel like I’m in my usual spunky, fighting mode, emotionally I feel spent. I realized this week that 1.) I am way too invested in Caroline’s friendships, which is neither healthy for me nor Caroline and 2.) You can’t always be a people pleaser.
As the parent of an only child, I worry that Caroline will always have good, solid, healthy friendships. Because if she doesn’t, then she’ll be lonely and it’ll be my fault because I chose not to give her any siblings. Therefore, I worry incessantly about these relationships, which is dumb. And also? Caroline doesn’t give a flip about any of it; she just wants to have a good time. So I spend my time worrying and fretting and beating myself up and she’s off having the time of her life.
It just makes me very tired.
But on the other hand, we have a neighborhood full of kids and other friends just down the road. She’s not lacking in the playmate department, but since I’m a Chicken Little-Eeyore hybrid, I still worry.
Because it’s just what I do.
And you never know….the sky just might fall one day.
Along with learning that I cannot be a people pleaser all the time, I’m also learning the value of keeping my mouth shut. I was in a situation this week where I wanted to say some things that I knew I’d eventually regret. It’s hard to filter your words, especially when you’re both mad and hurt.
Practicing restraint is tiring.
In other news: can you believe it’s 9:22 am and Caroline is STILL sleeping. This is a Smith Family record! We spent a ton of time at the pool yesterday; all that swimming and the scorching sun must have really wiped her out. It’s good that she’s catching up on sleep this morning because we’re off to the pool again today with a friend, followed by a sleepover birthday party tomorrow and another birthday pool party on Saturday.
Caroline’s life is tiring.
EDITED to add: Caroline woke up a few minutes after I published this. When I asked her what she wanted for breakfast, she requested pancakes. And then she said, ‘can you make the pancakes soft, light and fluffy, please?’
Feeding Caroline is tiring.