I had planned to take yesterday off to rest my legs after Sunday’s half marathon. Which worked out well, because Caroline stayed home from school. She has a little cold, that seems rather innocuous, but for some reason all the drainage (eww!) upsets her stomach, but only in the mornings. She felt icky at 8:20 and fine by 9:15. Monday is a short day, so it wasn’t a big deal that she missed. Math is never good to miss, but after that, they have lunch and art. And then it’s practically time to go home.
This morning, she felt okay when she first woke up, but then a little icky as she ate breakfast. Sigh. She stayed home this morning, but again, by 9:15 she felt fine. So, I took her to school.
I’m glad she is feeling better and isn’t missing out on too much school time, however, because we were unsure of her fate, I took a shower and got ready for the day, which means, no gym for me.
I was really ready to shake out my legs. And see my gym peeps.
I guess that will have to wait until tomorrow. That is, if Caroline doesn’t feel icky tomorrow morning, too.
In other news, the leaves are changing!
Fall is my favorite time of year; September-November are my favorite months. I eagerly look forward to fall’s arrival each year, but in usual Alison fashion, I can’t help but feel a little sad, knowing that time will inevitably fly by and before we know it, we’re on to the next season and the next year and the next age and the next decade. I really wish I could just live in the moment. I spend far too much time worrying about what is to come, so when the next stage presents itself, I’m bummed because I didn’t enjoy the last stage.
It’s exhausting being me.
On the one hand, it’s nice to have something to look forward to. But when I’m constantly thinking about the future, I forget to enjoy the present. I have a feeling I’m going to be one of those people with MAJOR regrets on my deathbed. And no, I’m not just talking about my 90’s big hair and unfortunate wardrobe choices. Although, that certainly deserves a place in my lengthy list of regrets.
So, I put out my fall pumpkins and leaves, all the while thinking about Christmas decorations. And when Christmas rolls around, I’m already thinking about spring, the end of the school year and that dreadful, awful, anxiety inducing season we call summer. I wish I could freeze time. Right now. With Caroline still young and eager, but able to fend for herself in many ways. Her school work isn’t super challenging yet, she’s not bratty, she has good friends and we live in a wonderful place. I’m in good shape; I’m healthy; my skin isn’t sagging yet. I’m sure it would be better to not freeze time with Craig deployed, but you get what I mean.
Things are good now. I mean, they’d be better if Caroline wasn’t sick and if my hair would cooperate, but things are good. So then, why do I have a hard time remembering that? Why do I forget to enjoy today and constantly worry about what the next year will bring? I wish I could challenge myself to consciously focus on enjoying the present, but I know me well enough to know that I won’t. I often find myself overwhelmed by ridiculous things (my life is pretty uncomplicated) and make myself take deep breaths while trying to remember that things are good now and I can’t do anything about tomorrow.
I don’t mean to sound like an ungrateful curmudgeon. Like I said, my life is good. It’s not like I’m walking around with a black cloud of doom hovering over my head.
I think it has just been a really long year.
Except for the part where I turned 34 last November and now 35 is just around the bend. How could it be that the days are so long and taxing, but the years fly by?
Anyway, I have no idea what the point to any of this rambling is. I suppose that’s what happens when I stay home from the gym and have too much time on my hands.
Sweating > Rambling self-pity