Disaster Do

So, Edward Scissorhands cut my hair today.

In case you were wondering, Edward Scissorhands is no longer the Johnny Depp character we all know and love; now, Edward Scissorhands comes in the form of a small, middle aged, middle eastern woman.  Yep.  I got a hack job on my head today.  I’d show you a picture, but I do strive to maintain at least a modicum of dignity on this here blog.

The whole time Edward Scissorhands was maniacally snipping away at my precious locks (after she first tried to convince me to add ‘fun summer’ highlights) I kept thinking to myself:  ‘this is what I get for coming to the cheap hair cut place.’  ‘THIS is what I get.’

Except, last time I went to the cheap hair cut place, I got a great cut.  I asked for an angled bob with textured ends and I got an angled bob with textured ends.  Today I asked for the same thing and came out of the salon with a bob of sorts….and 57 layers….some of which were blown dry sky high to heaven.  I seriously looked like I belonged on a beauty pageant stage with my big poufy hair.  And, in case you were wondering, I don’t do big poufy hair.  I used to, back in the 90s when big permed poufy hair was in style.  Nowadays, I opt for a sleeker look.  You know, an angled bob with textured ends.  NOT a big poufy helmet of hair atop my head.

Here’s the thing:  in the beauty department, I don’t have a whole lot to work with.  I have wrinkles around my eyes and lines permanently embedded in my forehead.  I have acne scars and less than perfect skin.  Permanent circles decorate my under eye area, and let’s not even approach the subject of my big honkin’ beak of nose.  I get really tired of people asking me if I’m Greek or Italian when they catch a glimpse of my profile.  My hair, while not always in the mood to cooperate, is still pretty decent.  It’s shiny and nicely textured and I don’t have a speck of grey.  If my hair is in a tragic situation, then everything else on my imperfect face is highlighted.

So thanks a bunch, Edward Scissorhands.  Also, thanks for reminding me 547 times while you were waxing my brows that I have a lot of eyebrow hair.  Really?  I had no idea.  All these years I’ve been looking in the mirror and not once did I notice my full eyebrows.

Sorry, bad hair brings out the aggression in me.

I left the salon in a panic.  I still needed to stop at the store, but there was no way I was going in to Ross with beauty queen hair.  I sat in my car and started frantically smoothing and flattening my hair with my hands.  That seemed to help a bit.  Honestly though, the cut is a good cut, it’s just not exactly what I was hoping for.

After I finished up at Ross (bought some pillow cases) I came home, got my hair wet and re dried it.  Usually,  I leave the salon wishing I could dry my hair like the stylists do, but not today.  Today I was thankful I couldn’t replicate the big hair I was given at the salon.  I managed to dry it so it laid flat, but with a little volume.  Some volume is good; drag queen volume is most certainly not.

I’m pleased that I could style my hair in a more ‘me’ way (aka: not Miss Southern Mid-North Valley Arkansas pageant hair) , but it’s still a little too short for my liking.

Good thing hair grows back fast.

Unfortunately, so do eyebrows.

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4 responses

    • I ‘spose.

      It’s not THAT bad, but it looked pretty awful when I left the hair place. I guess I’ll have to be more specific next time. You know, like, please don’t hack off all my hair.

    • I hope your hair cut was more successful. As I was telling my friend today, it really was like Edward Scissorhands, the way she was madly snipping away, but once she started, it’s not like I could tell her to stop. Then I’d be uneven. I don’t know what’s worse, uneven or crazy short.

Yo.

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